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Hi, its me. Aida. This is my first post in 2019. The last post I wrote was in 2017. How's life? IDK sometimes good, sometimes bad. My mental health seems to be deteriorating each day (LOL who doesn't?) I don't want to complain, but I feel sad most of the times. I recently (lol not really) discovered that I actually don't want to get married and have kids. Ha, talking about kids, I despise them, not gonna lie. But I learn to live with them cuz ya know, all my friends are married and got kids...sooo I have to.


I read all the posts here in my blog, man I feel like hugging my past self. So full of hope, naive and looking forward to grow up. I'm 27 this year, I feel I haven't achieve anything, not using my diploma, working in retail. Not complaining, but all my hopes of studying in Australia, and buying a Mazda 2 car, get a good job, lots of money, vacation every now and then, it seems fake and something you can get in children's story book, and life doesn't happen the way you planned it. Funny. If only I knew life's gonna be downhill after high school, I would've kill myself. Just kidding. 


Another update in my life: MOM. I love her so much, but she always manage to make me feel empty, sad, hurt, you know, making your whole existence is in pain if that makes sense. I know as a daughter, I should only talk good things about my mother, but I'm hurting inside. She's one of the reason why I have lost my will to live, no matter how positive I was that day, I end up feeling tired and drained when I'm around her. I just wish I don't feel that, but I do. Most of the time, when I tried to talk to her about my day or basically anything, she doesn't respond and her eyes are glued to the iPad, another time, she's over-reacting and end up scolding me for trying to tell her my story. So I usually tell it to my friends. I still love her and I wouldn't wish any harm towards her, but I just don't know how long can I take it anymore...